Smiling may not mean you are happy.

A genuine smile reflects the inner state of cheerfulness or amusement.
Smiles are tools used in social interactions. Cheerfulness is neither necessary nor sufficient for smiling.

प्रवृत्तिवाद और निवृत्तिवाद।

भारत में चिन्तन की सदा दो धाराएं रही हैं। एक धारा है प्रवृत्तिवाद और दूसरी है निवृत्तिवाद। प्रवृत्ति और निवृत्ति- यह वस्तु का स्वाभाविक पक्ष था। इसका अनुभव तो किया गया था, किन्तु अनुभव की कोई बात जब बुद्धि के स्तर पर चर्चित होती है, तब उसकी सूक्ष्मता खत्म हो जाती है, केवल स्थूलता बची रहती है। पूरे संसार में यही हुआ है कि स्थूल तत्व उभर कर सामने आ गए और जो रहस्य और सूक्ष्मताएं थीं, वे नीचे ही छिपी रह गईं। इस तरह प्रवृत्ति और निवृत्ति भी विवाद का विषय बन गया, जबकि इनमें विवाद जैसा कुछ नहीं है। यह जीवन की स्वाभाविक प्रक्रिया है। न केवल मानवीय जीवन की, परन्तु संपूर्ण प्राणी जगत की स्वाभाविक प्रक्रिया है। इतना ही नहीं, यह जड़ जगत की भी स्वाभाविक प्रक्रिया है। प्रत्येक पदार्थ में, जड़ या चेतन दो पक्ष होते हैं, पॉजिटिव और निगेटिव या विधायक और निषेधक। कोई भी शक्ति ऐसी नहीं होती, जिसमें ये दोनों न हों। विधायक पक्ष है हमारी प्रवृत्ति और निषेधक पक्ष है हमारी निवृत्ति। प्रत्येक व्यक्ति के जीवन में प्रवृत्ति और निवृत्ति के संतुलन की अपेक्षा की जाती है। जहां कहीं यह संतुलन बिगड़ता है, वहां बड़ी कठिनाई पैदा हो जाती है। कोरी प्रवृत्ति पागलपन की ओर ले जाती है, कोरा काम आदमी को निकम्मा बना देता है। अनेक लोग प्रवृत्ति में बहुत विश्वास करते हैं। वे करते-करते अपनी शक्ति को इतना खर्च कर डालते हैं कि अतिप्रवृत्ति उनके लिए अभिशाप बन जाती है। कोरी निवृत्ति भी निकम्मापन लाती है। जब शरीर है तो निवृत्ति से काम नहीं चल सकता। सक्रियता और निष्क्रियता, चिंतन और अचिंतन, विचार और निर्विचार, विकल्प और निर्विकल्प, स्मृति और विस्मृति, भाषा और अभाषा इन सभी का संतुलन अपेक्षित है। हमारा प्रयत्न विकास की उलटी दिशा में जाने का नहीं है। हमारा सारा प्रयत्न विकास की अगली मंजिल तक जाने का है। मन मिला, भाषा मिली और हमने विकास की सीमा यहीं तक मान ली। जिसके पास क्रियात्मक मन है, चिंतन की अच्छी शक्ति है, भाषा पर जिसका अधिकार है, उसने उतने को ही अपनी सीमा मान लिया। यह विकास की अंतिम सीमा नहीं है। इससे आगे भी बहुत कुछ किया जा सकता है। आगे भी बहुत संभावनाएं हैं, परन्तु उन संभावनाओं का द्वार तब तक नहीं खुलता, जब तक हम भाषा और मन (के द्वंद्व) को समाप्त करने की स्थिति तक नहीं पहुंच जाते। भाषा या चिंतन का न होना, अविकसित दशा का लक्षण है, किंतु भाषा के होने पर और चिंतन के होने पर भी उनका प्रयोग न करना चेतना के विकास की दिशा में पहला कदम है। जो व्यक्ति अपनी चेतना के नए आयामों को खोलना चाहता है, उसको विस्तार देना चाहता है, उसके लिए जरूरी है कि वह मन होते हुए भी अ-मन की स्थिति का अनुभव करे। वाक् होते हुए भी अ-वाक् का अनुभव करे। ऐसे में जब भाषा और मन का प्रयोग रुकता है, तब चेतना का नया द्वार खुलता है। 

Counselling

Let's understand that counselling is a profession which requires professional training and certification.
Along with continuous academic and self development work.
A one or two days of workshop (or sometimes not even that!) does not entitle one to practice as a professional counsellor.
In a country, where awareness about mental health issues is nearly non existent, unqualified people masquerading as counsellors is making the matters worse!

People need to understand that just soliciting 'good advice' has absolutely nothing to do with counselling.

Advice may be sought or given by parents, teachers, friends, well wishers, neighbours or just about anyone.

If one benefits from these, please do make use of them.
However, none of the above qualifies as  professional counselling.

Should they have, what would be the necessity of having a separate group of professionals called counsellors?

There is a huge need of professionally qualified mental health workers/counsellors in India.

It is my earnest request to anyone who wishes to work in this field to first get the required professional qualification.

Masquerading as a counsellor, when you are not one, might be a financially lucrative option, however, it plays havoc with the lives and minds of people who need professional help.

India sincerely needs a lot of trained mental health professionals.
Please do come forward and offer the much needed professionally trained support in the area of mental health.

Together, let us create a healthier, happier and an aware world.

ADHD

ADHD is generally ignored in medical education. About 1 in every 5 people who walks into a mental health office is going to have ADHD.The problem is that the diagnosis is routinely missed, and that’s because very few physicians have any training whatsoever in the field.

A clinician should use the symptom guidelines outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder – 5th Edition, along with standardized and normative ratings and using the Connors Rating Scale, the Child Behavior Checklist, the Strengths and Difficulties Checklist, and the ADHD Rating Scale. “Parents and teachers can complete these and the clinician can score them and determine the probability that a child is in the extreme range compared to the national average.

Unfortunately, the DSM-V guidelines are severely child focused, so a clinician evaluating an adult’s symptoms must take the extra step of interviewing family members, friends, and even colleagues. “The accuracy of diagnosis is much, much higher if you have input from two or more informants who have information about symptoms in several settings.

Besides,70% of children, adolescents and adults with an ADHD nervous system will have at least one other psychiatric diagnosis; 57% will have two or more, underscoring the prevalence of comorbid conditions existing alongside ADHD.

And then there are all those medical and psychological conditions that mimic ADHD. “These include a history of trauma, mood disorders, developmental delays, and a laundry list of medical and metabolic conditions… like sleep disorders and thyroid disorders.

Your doctor should recognize this, conduct a detailed medical history, and include screening tests for related conditions in his or her thorough ADHD evaluation.

Depression

Depression is an illness that has become one of the most widespread disorders in the world today.
It currently affects about 350 million people worldwide – and the problem is getting worse.
Around one million people every year commit suicide because they are suffering from depression,
and year on year that figure rises at an alarming rate.

By the year 2020, depression will have become second only to heart disease as a cause of premature death.

In the United States and Northern Europe, around 10% of people over the age of 12 are currently taking antidepressants to ease their depressive symptoms.

Just think about that for a second – If this is the case, if so many people are taking drugs for depression and these drugs are so easily available,
then why is the problem getting worse?

Personalities

A person who is inherently and intuitively curious is often intellectually and distinctly very serious towards his roles and responsibilities in life..

The Psychological Effects and Treatment of Child Abuse

Complex trauma occurs over time.  Experiences of chronic child abuse and neglect result in complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s not that one time being assaulted by your parent caused you trauma, it’s that your experience as a child was filled with recurring involvements of maltreatment, resulting in symptoms that are often diagnosed as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,) depression, anxiety, and other psychological maladies.  While these diagnoses may be accurate on some level, they do not address the origination of the problem.

Attachment trauma is another form of early childhood maltreatment that results in interpersonal relationship problems later in life. This occurs when a child is not properly attuned with, paid attention to, or acknowledged as an infant and in early childhood.  It is often hard to identify attachment trauma, and it is particularly difficult to identify the types of dis-attunement that may have happened to an individual during infancy.

Attachment trauma is often the birthplace of personality disorders.

When someone has been chronically maltreated during any portion of his or her life, he develops an inner propensity to manifest a variety of external symptoms in response. These include, “air headedness,” anxiety, somatic symptoms, dissociation, and depression.

Fragmentation of the Psyche:

When a person experiences trauma from an early age, he must protect himself in some way in order to cope.  One means of protection is to “split” off the part of oneself that is experiencing the trauma. In this case, the traumatized person ends up having a fragmented psyche.   This fragmentation is really a survival or protective strategy, which serves one well during traumatic experiences, but tends to be problematic during times of normalcy.

This is not necessarily a physical fragmentation that can be seen under a microscope or in a brain scan, rather it is as if the person develops different, developmentally stunted personas that are frozen in time deep within one’s unconscious memory.  Each “persona” or “mode” is rigidly committed to a lack of growth and causes a level of stunted emotional development within the individual.

Keep in mind, however, that these sub-selves are developed for protective reasons, and for no other. Their primary purpose is to protect the hurt child from the resulting emotional pain.  They become fixated at a certain time period in the victim’s life and remain firmly in place, even after their necessity is eliminated.

Schemas:

Schemas are inner working models comprised of emotions and deeply ingrained beliefs about self, others, and relationships.  Schemas are neurologically held as experiential or implicit memories.  Schemas are experienced viscerally.  For example, one type of schema could leave an internal felt message of, “I know I am not worthy of love; I just know it. I feel it in my being.”

Modes:

Modes are responses to schemas and are comprised of the above mentioned personas created during traumatic or otherwise emotionally dysregulating experiences.  Modes are compensatory and are created mainly as protectors.  Some protectors are over-compensatory, such as in the case of narcissistic and anti-social traits. Others are in the form of avoidance, denial, being overly friendly, etc.

Modes are akin to personalities. The necessary personality shows up as needed in response to the trigger at hand.  Other terms for modes are, “ego states,” “sub-selves,” “internal family personalities.”

Everyone operates in modes.  Some people with minimal traumatic experiences in childhood have relatively “normal” modes, where triggers aren’t as devastating as in the case of those who come from extremely emotionally depriving childhoods. When particularly strong modes of relating are present, personality disorders are developed.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is the clinical term used for a person with distinct and separate personas developed as a result of childhood trauma.

Triggers:

Triggers usually have a connotation of something negative.  Of course, triggers can occur when you have been conditioned to experience something positive as well as negative; however, for this article, I am referring to those triggers that cause a person to maladaptively regress emotionally to an earlier time period in his or her life.

Triggers occur in the present when a person experiences something that reminds them unconsciously of a past traumatic or emotionally upsetting experience.  Once a trigger occurs, a schema is what is triggered and a mode is what comes in to play to protect the underlying, unbearable emotional pain.

Personality Disorders:

When threatened by a negative emotional experience, subconsciously, a schema is triggered and a mode comes to the rescue to protect the individual from the underlying emotional discomfort. Some of the threatened unbearable emotions include rage, shame, humiliation, desperation, fear, and emptiness.

For people with personality disorders, a common threat is the potential for warmth, nurturance, or closeness.  Personality disordered individuals send out personas (aka modes) to stop healthy interpersonal connection from happening.

Why is this, you may ask.  It is because the hope for love is threatening to a person with a personality disorder.  The “protector” shows up to stop this threat from becoming a reality.  You see, for a person with a personality disorder, the hope for attachment brings up the emotions of vulnerability, neediness, helplessness, powerlessness, and subjugation, among others.

If as a child a person did not experience consistent nurturance and reassurance when feeling helpless, needy, or vulnerable, but instead experienced abandonment and abuse, then dissociation and over-compensatory measures occurred. Over-compensatory measures occur in the form of another personality, such as The Entitled, The Superior One, The Rager, The Detached Observer.  These modes are protective.

Think of the concept of a person having part of his personality stuck in an early developmental stage, such as age three. Now, think of the narcissist having a “rage attack.”  Doesn’t this rage attack in an adult person resemble a temper tantrum in a three year old?

This is an example of a trigger leading to an emotional regression. The rage attack is akin to the “protection” for the person. While it may be maladaptive, it is effective in many respects of protecting the person from feelings of vulnerability and helplessness.

Treatment:

One of the most helpful first steps for treating complex trauma is to identify the various modes within a person’s psyche.  Some people have a few very distinct personas, such as the ones mentioned above.  Others include personas with attributes fitting titles like, The Rebel, The Fighter, The Victim, The Seducer, The Liar, The Party Girl, and so on.  These personas are triggered by certain threats sensed in the environment which indicate that danger is eminent.

It is useful to mention that some of these personas can be termed, “Apparently Normal Personas.”  These are the ones that are masterful at masking dysfunction. These modes are usually the ones that present to the world and can be likened to a mask. These apparently normal personas are protective in nature. It is helpful to identify one’s other, inner protectors as well.

A good therapist can help a person struggling with complex trauma identify his triggers, modes, schemas, and apparently normal personas, and can help the client learn to integrate these different parts into a cohesive whole. Keep in mind that it is not the goal of therapy to eliminate a person’s protectors, but to embrace them and incorporate them into the person’s sense of oneness.

Integration succeeds differentiation. Once the different parts are identified, the therapist can help the client ascertain the primary underlying threatening schemas residing in the client’s psyche.  Once these underlying schemas are pin-pointed, then triggers make sense. Challenging the underlying maladaptive beliefs helps the victim of complex trauma begin to assess the damage caused during his childhood.

Blissfulness all around

Depression

Do you suffer from any of these symptoms?

You are always tired.

Always have low energy.

Always struggle to accomplish everything on your daily "to do" list.

It's hard to find the motivation to do anything ... including going out with friends or completing tasks.

You feel anxious and worried about little things in life.

Negative thoughts and feelings of anger are often playing themselves in your mind.

If you are suffering from any of the above symptoms, I recommend you to find out more about Destroy Depression system.

It's a Simple 7-Step System That Gives You The Power To DESTROY Your Depression.

End Your Feelings Of Sadness And Hopelessness, And Get Your Life Back!

Tips for Coping with Depression in a Relationship.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has depression, these are some tips you can use to help your partner.

1
Educate Yourself
Tips for coping with depression in a relationship
Peter CadeCollection/The Image Bank/Getty Images
You can learn everything you need to know about depression and its causes, symptoms and treatments by exploring the links found on the lefthand side of any page of the About Depression site. Just pick a topic to begin exploring the site.
More

2
Sort Out the Facts from the Myths
While it may be very tempting to think of depression as laziness or weakness on the individual's part, it is a very real biologically-based illness, and, just like any other illness, it can be treated.
More

3
Remember to Take Care of Yourself
It can be very stressful coping with another person's depression; and, if you aren't careful you may become depressed yourself. It's okay to take some time out for yourself. You'll both be better off for it.
4
Get Support
When someone you care about is depressed, it's okay for you to feel frustrated, angry and upset. You are in a very difficult situation. It is very important, however, that you don't allow these feelings to fester and grow. Seek out a support group, a friend or a counselor whom you can talk with.

5
Be There for Them
One of the most important things you can do for someone who is depressed is simply to be there for them. Hold them close or just listen while they share their feelings. Offer to help them with making appointments or doing some of the daily chores that they are struggling to keep up with. Let them know that you are there for them in whatever way they need while they make their recovery.

Healthy Mind
Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life.

6
Don't Take It Personally
Depression can make people behave in ways that they normally wouldn't when they are feeling well. They may become angry or withdrawn. They may not be interested in going out or doing things with you like they used to. Your spouse or significant other may lose interest in sex. These things are not personal and they don't mean that they no longer care about you. They are symptoms of the illness.

7
Help Out Around the House
Just like when a person has any other illness, they may simply not feel well enough to take care of paying the bills or cleaning the house. And, just like with any other illness, you may have to temporarily take over some of their daily chores until they feel well enough to do them again.

8
Treatment Is Important
Treatment is vitally important to a person's recovery from depression. You can help your loved one by helping them keep up with taking their medication and remembering appointments. You can also help them by reassuring them that asking for help is not a sign or weakness or something to be ashamed of.

9
Offer Hope
Offer them hope by reminding them of their reasons to keep living, whatever they may be. Perhaps it's their children, a beloved pet who needs them or their faith in God? These reasons, which will be unique to the individual, can help them hold on a bit longer until the pain subsides.

10
Love Them Unconditionally
Let them know that you realize it is the illness making them think, feel and behave this way and you love them no matter what.

How to build a deeper connection with your partner.

If you have walked the path of awakening or in the process, you might have shifted from a self-fulfilling relationship; wants and needs; aligned - to a relationship that nourishes your soul, creating a deeper spiritual bond with your partner.

To develop such a relationship, you must first develop the relationship with yourself. As you begin to expand your consciousness, your consciousness about the other person expands to. From focusing on yourself, you begin to focus on the other person as well.

Become the best version of you

In a relationship when you have to constantly prove yourself – the power dynamics, the control theory or being better than the other, trust me you are only losing it all to the feeling of power and there is no bond between the two of you.

In a true spiritual relationship, you will understand that there is no need for power and control, you both are individuals and have all the free will to express yourselves as you want to, within your relationship dynamics. As you accept the sense of equity between the two of you, your understanding becomes better and you create a sacred space in your relationship.

Don’t let your past define you

Past hurt, baggage, wounds, relationships – this is one list we have and carry all our lives, however, we must understand that it is very important to cleanse it all for our ‘now’ to be beautiful. For any spiritual relationship to grow, both the partners have to have an open heart to accept the other in their true essence. All you have to do is heal your past hurts, forgive and move on. Have faith that all of it happened for a reason and if not for those experiences you will not be here. This said let go of your past to truly embrace your present.

Your relationship is sacred

As you are sacred to the Universe and it expands to all your surroundings, your relationship is sacred too. It is something between two individuals to build, strengthen and grow within, together. As you realise the sacredness of your union with your mate, you will understand that it all happened for a reason.

Spend quality time with each other, communicate as much possible. Try and create that space for each other wherein both of you are comfortable to be who you are. Respect the fact, that you are together, be thankful and manifest abundance for self.

Intimacy is important

Intimacy is about ‘feeling’ it all to its depth and not merely for pleasure purpose. Intimacy and touch are very important aspects. On a spiritual level, exploring the physical aspects of one another strengthens your energy chords and help you build a solid foundation. These energy chords hold the intentions of two individuals, it is very important that both the parties have set their intentions right and are willing to send love and light to each other.

Helping Patients Learn How to Say No To People They Love.

Boundaries are one of the most common issues that bring patients to therapy. Whether bad boundaries have directly or indirectly had a negative impact on their mental health, it’s common to trace things like exhaustion, resentment, anger, low self-esteem, and even poor physical health back to an inability to say “no” when it is necessary.

There are many reasons why people struggle with saying no. From co-dependent patterns learned in the family during developmental years, to low self-esteem and a resulting belief that overextending is the only way to keep people around, saying no can be intensely challenging for people who aren’t used to it.

In “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Diary”, authors and clinical psychologists Matthew McKay, Ph.D, and Jeffrey Wood, Psy.D, provide clear and concise guidelines for saying no to someone you care about that can boost your interpersonal effectiveness and create and maintain healthier relationships.

An important thing to note about this method for saying no is that it only applies to situations with loved ones in which the patient is safe and not in physical danger. There are cases in which validating the other person’s feelings is not necessary because a loud, clear “no” is going to be most effective.

If your patient is unclear about the difference between these two situations, spend some time discussing it so that he or she have a sense of when to utilize this method and when to keep it simple and just say no.

Step 1: Validate the other person’s feelings.
Assuming that the client is dealing with a loved one or person they care about, this first step is all about making the other person feel seen and understood in what they’re requesting. Validating someone does not mean saying that the person is right or that you agree with him. It simply means that you let him know you hear him and understand from where he’s coming.

In the case of a mother with a son who struggles with substance abuse, she may be plagued by his intermittent requests for money followed by feeling abandoned when he disappears for weeks and months thereafter. When he calls to ask for money to pay the rent, the mother may validate him first by saying “I understand that you need money to pay the rent and that must be stressful.”

Step 2: State your preference.
Even though the mother in this example can understand where her son is coming from and why he is reaching out for help, she knows that if she gives in to him, she will regret it in the days after when he no longer returns her calls or responds to her text messages. Her anxiety may be heightened as she wonders whether the money she gave him really went to the rent, or if it went to feed his drug addiction. She may even catastrophize and begin to believe that he overdosed on drugs that he purchased with the money she’d given him.

Needless to say, the mother would prefer not to experience that situation. Further, through work with her therapist, she has determined that she should say no the next time her son asks for money in order to preserve her own mental health.

After validating her son’s feelings and telling him that she understands where he’s coming from, she states her preference. “I understand that you need money to pay the rent and that must be stressful. I would rather not give you money.”

Step 3: Depending on the situation, decide whether you want to elaborate on your preference.
Sometimes, getting into details about why you’re saying no puts you at risk of sounding unsure about your decision or being manipulated. The mother’s son is desperate for money and will most likely push back—especially if he is used to her providing cash on demand. In her case, or any time there is an established precedent for emotional manipulation, it may be best to avoid getting into details about why she doesn’t want to give him money because in dragging out the conversation, she boosts the likelihood that he will manipulate her into backtracking.

In other cases, though, it may make sense to offer some background around why the answer is no. For example, say a patient is purchasing a home with her partner and the partner has his heart set on something that would triple the duration of the patient’s daily commute. If the patient is willing to provide some explanation around why that house doesn’t work for her, the partner would probably be more open to empathizing, and less likely to shut down.

Because the roots of people-pleasing, co-dependence, and bad boundaries often require some processing to resolve, having a formula doesn’t mean saying no will instantly become easy. But having a clear idea of how to say no can be a good first step toward starting to put it into regular practice.

When the diet is right then there is no need for medicine.

We seem to live in a society that values quick fixes and smart pills. There’s pretty much a “hack” for everything but our health and well-being.  Let’s face it, most folks that suffer from anger or depression related metal and physical anguish are choosing, either consciously or subconsciously, to avoid one single element that can surpass the efficacy of any pill out there – physical activity.

Yes you are busy, yes you are tired, and yes you are sick so what is the next step?  Do you want to continue doing the same things over and over and expect a different result or do you want to try something that actually works?  We’ve compiled a list of five physical activities that you can undertake starting today to feel incredible starting today.

Ancient tradition of Tibetan medicine has a saying – “When the diet is right then there is no need for medicine.” You see, what they are saying is that it does not matter what you try to do in your life to feel better if your body is not getting the right nutrients then it is like trying to put sugar-water into a Ferrari and expecting to get to your destination.

Address your diet right away for quickest results. Anger Mentor has done some good research and suggests one single element that can boost your mood right away is the Omega 3s from fish oil.  It’s been defined as the most important element for your mental health that can be easily found on the market. Consult with a good dietician and increase your intake of Vitamin B to curb the stress. In general, consume lots of veggies, legumes and low-glycemic fruits.

Avoid at all costs: coffee, refined sugar products, nutrition deficient meals, alcohol and smoking. All these things stimulate your nervous system and shorten your so fuse.  If you really want to experiment then avoid raw onion and garlic too. According to ancient science of Ayurveda, these plants induce aggression and dullnes..

Mental Health

One in six people suffer depression or a chronic anxiety disorder. These are not the worried well but those in severe mental pain with conditions crippling enough to prevent them living normal lives..

Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future..

Empathy Quotient

Empathy quotient-60item questionnaire  developed by Simon Baron Cohen.